How do I break the news to family and friends?
It’s a question that we are asked a lot, and we always begin by assuring people that there is no single ‘right way’ to do it because sharing the news of a cancer diagnosis is so deeply personal to each individual involved.
We say involved because the way that you tell a friend, colleague or acquaintance will almost certainly be entirely different to the conversation you will have with close family, and loved ones.
Be prepared
Our first suggestion is to gather your thoughts, think about your diagnosis and what it means to you, and perhaps take a little time to get over the initial shock that you will probably be experiencing. People will have questions, so take time to understand your diagnosis and things like your treatment plan.
You will find lots of useful information on our website, and please don’t hesitate to ask if you have a specific question, we can always either help or point you in the right direction.
Choose a time and place where you feel comfortable, ideally where you will not be interrupted or distracted, and importantly do not be afraid to pause or stop at any time, especially if you begin to feel flustered.
It is often a good idea to start by saying something along the lines of ‘I have something rather important to discuss with you, I know that you will have questions but can we please leave them until I have spoken?’ In this way you can control the pace of the conversation, while at the same time acknowledging your respect for the person, or people that you are speaking with.
Avoid jargon if possible, and try to be as honest as you can, particularly if you are speaking to children. Cancer is a scary word and young people might leap straight to the wrong conclusions about outcomes. Remember why you are telling them the news, it’s for their comfort and understanding and because you love them.
Helping others to help you
Answering questions can be tricky, and this is where your preparation really helps. People will react differently to your news with anything from shock and sadness to anger, or maybe even humour.
A really common question to be asked, particularly after the initial shock has subsided is ‘How can I help?’
People are wonderful, and if you imagine your own reaction on hearing somebody else tell you about their diagnosis it would probably be along the lines of ‘What can I do for you?’
Do not be shy, perhaps have a list of things like lifts to appointments, help with the shopping or childcare that you can suggest. You might also have someone that’s close enough to you to ask if they wouldn’t mind speaking to mutual friends, or family members about your diagnosis, this can be a real help in preventing you repeating the same thing over and over again.
And finally, never be afraid of saying ‘I’m not quite ready to talk about that’ if somebody asks a question that you don’t want to answer.